Narcissism Anonymous (an oxymoron)

Sophia
6 min readJan 23, 2021

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Within the last two weeks or so, my eyes are not seeing things with the same clarity with which they once did. It’s been a sudden shift, alarming even. Without warning and overnight, things are not clear. Some friends are reporting that the same is true for them. How about you? Have you noticed your eyesight change? We’re seeing in another frequency now, or attempting to, with our 3D eyes. The world changes while we are walking on her. Things are a bit blurry — “readers” are necessary at times. What is going on?

Other things are also looking blurry, not as finite… Is this metaphor? Do we need to see differently?

Consider that there is no one who grew up in the world you did. Not exactly. The split between our lives is real, and it is not because people have changed dramatically. It is because the matrix has been altered irrevocably. In the last 20 years or so there’s been an intense focus on other people’s opinion — who likes what you look like, say, “like” or consider valid enough to post on social media; our gradual descent into narcissism. Generations of us have grown up here.

What doesn’t matter as much today is your opinion. It has been submerged beneath tidal waves of other opinions, and has thus lost its power. It’s enough to make you doubt, well, everything. And so, we sit, divided, and at a precipice. We’ve heard each other’s stories, seen each other’s outfits and puppies, eloquent prose and well played memes. There is very little that surprises us or even thrills us now. Our devices can mimic approval, comfort, popularity, validity and even intimacy. Where does that leave us?

Squarely and firmly in our own camp. We’ve set this up perfectly, creating a life that shouts at you whatever it is you already believe. Confirming, for your eyes and ears, just how right you are. It is creation at its finest. Evidence is everywhere. You see what you believe and intend to see. You get what you expect to get, every time. Life looks precisely as you anticipate it will. Just click. Don’t see it there? Click again.

It doesn’t matter, not to anyone but you, that you grew up during this war or that adversity or with any hardship or abuse or set of circumstances. You’ll find a group, a thread, an app, a website or a generation of others holding a similar handicap, and feel right at home. It won’t really matter to them either, yet you’ll notice a sort of resonance while there, and that is somehow comforting, so you’ll stay for a bit.

What inspires this string of random thoughts, is a tendency, recently noticed, for folks to label themselves RIGHT. That this opinion, the RIGHT one, is the only one necessary to hold in order to participate. The RIGHT opinion, which is the one advertised, whether it be politically, religious, morally or personally will undoubtedly position you above someone else. Above the “others”, those who are NOT RIGHT and therefore, WRONG.

The split is here. We are each worried about some other, some other who is WRONG, and who must WAKE UP. We must share our opinion and tell them! We are also, quietly, increasingly troubled that we may, in fact, be the WRONG one. We don’t mention that part much.

This is a trap. We’ve all stepped right into it. Before putting our whole weight into that step, consider that all of our ages and stages and circumstances and opinions and generations are RIGHT. Consider that the echo chamber is great for echoes, and only echoes. They are halls of mirrors, not arbiters of universal truths. Notice it has not been said that they do not hold truth. They do. They hold your truth, and sometimes larger truths, yet not always.

Some folks notice and consistently call out “other” generations who have “no backbone”, “who don’t appreciate a hard day’s work”, who aren’t “patriotic”, etc. Other folks, those in “other” generations notice and humorously call out “other”, invariably older generations who have no clue how to text or stream media or set up apps or respond appropriately in social media environments. It’s all true. It’s all RIGHT.

Hello narcissism.

What do we do? We are collectively entering this new frequency. Our bodies are reacting, our world is changing, our minds are pre-occupied with self. What happens now?

Narcissism Anonymous (an oxymoron) would be a start. Perhaps we could begin virtual “meetings” with 7 steps of our own:

I admit I am powerless against this yearning to tell you what I think.

I admit I am powerless against my desire to be RIGHT.

I admit I am powerless against my belief that it is all about me.

I admit I am powerless against my certainty that you are WRONG.

I admit I am afraid that your opinion of me will shatter me and “out” me…

I admit I am afraid that I will not be loved.

I admit I am not sure what to do about these things.

Followed by 7 revelations:

I affirm that my thoughts have value, regardless of how well or poorly stated.

I affirm that my mistakes have been the most effective teachers.

I affirm that my world needs and is enriched by other people and their opinions.

I affirm that I can be WRONG.

I affirm that what you think of me does not invalidate or reduce me in any fashion.

I affirm that I am worthy of love.

I affirm that I am a work in progress and that brilliance begins with exploration.

It’s no wonder there are hundreds of books and videos and pay-to-join programs on dealing with narcissism. It is a spectrum, and all of us are on it.

Perhaps what this newly blurred vision signifies, at least for the purposes of this article, is my inability to clearly define what I see on the device before me. It is all melding into one sea, an ocean made up of opinions and thoughts and worries and fears and desires and preferences and identities and histories and skills and tendencies that are billions strong.

Perhaps that is a good thing. When our voices filter and blur into a water-color painting, we’ll see the whole picture, as well as its individual colors, appreciating both simultaneously.

What I see happening is not a descent into madness, we’ve done that. We’ve called it narcissism and every divisive name in the book. Now? What is the next step for us to take as clarity of sight eludes us?

Acceptance.

It is a big one and will require large gulps of air that is filled with humility. For we are all RIGHT while at the same time human, and that combination guarantees mistakes.

We will humbly walk these next steps, wherever they lead. It will not help to be righteous. It is the meek that inherit the earth. That does not mean weak. It means gentle. All of us have lost something in the past twelve months, many of us have lost many things; people included. All of us are hurting. All of us are challenged. All of us are doing the best we can.

Narcissism is not a disease; it is the result of our evolution. We have evolved to the point where our creative power is obvious, where everywhere we look, there we are. We have come to expect that. That’s okay though, we just need to accept that everyone else gets to be right there with us; holding onto their own opinions. We can all be there. We can all be RIGHT. We can even, all be WRONG.

For we are one. Remember the hall of mirrors? It’s always been you. Just remember that beneath the reflective glass is me, and someone else you care for, as well as everyone else who showed up for this journey. Show yourself love and we’ll all feel it through the glass. It’s all illusion. It’s all you. Once you love yourself, the rest of us start to look and sound a whole lot more appealing.

I believe in you. I believe in us. I believe in love.

Sophia

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Sophia

I write books, blogs, newsletters and videos about self-love, sovereignty, off-world contact & truth. https://www.sophialove.org/