*Mania: A mental and behavioral disorder defined as a state of abnormally elevated arousal.
I’m arriving a bit late to this party. “Gender Fluid” has been an identity for a decade. Yet recent & glaring changes in health forms brought me to this place.
It was two forms actually. One in an outpatient health facility and the second in a hospital. It’s been years since I filled one of these out. The change was to the question of sex. It is no longer straightforward, with two options. The language now reads “sex assigned at birth”.
This shift is the reason behind this writing. Something that was perceived to be fundamental to our physiological makeup has been, imo, skewed a bit off-center. It’s no longer “What sex are you?” It’s “What did they tell you that you were when you were born?” This feels massive. I admit that I underestimated the reach of “trans-mania”.
I have four sons. When I was pregnant with the third, our two older sons were 6 and 8 years old. They both wanted Skipper dolls for Christmas. For those of you who don’t know, Skipper, who just celebrated her 60th year, is Barbie’s little sister.
We were a bit surprised by the request. I guess because their usual preferences ran along the lines of He-Man and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yet, since Skipper was just a kid herself (without the alarming and anatomically impossible shape of Barbie), we got them each their own Skipper doll.
My trips to the obstetrician were family affairs. An image burned into my brain from one particular visit was this: I returned to the waiting room to find my two sons happily playing with their Skipper dolls, with all of her pink accessories, while sitting at the feet of my husband. He just grinned at me. It was beautiful.
I don’t remember how long they played with Skipper, yet it wasn’t too long. Abandoned at the bottom of the toy chest, she was quickly forgotten.
This was before “trans-mania”. Our health forms had simpler questions. My husband and I were glad our sons felt it was “okay” to see what playing with a Skipper doll was like. Neither of us thought they were confused. They were kids; kids exploring life. At the time we thought I was carrying a girl. Perhaps they were playing with the idea of having a little sister. The point is, we did not know. It was a passing phase, one of many.
What I want to put out here is that childhood is the best time to explore things, especially identities. The adults observing these explorations are better off staying out of them. Observation without opinion is highly recommended.
Our sons are now four beautiful adults. How they choose to answer health form questions around gender identity, sex assigned at birth and sexual orientation will be answered with their adult minds. These are minds that were able to figure out the most basic component of humanity in their own time. There was no force-feeding.
The reason for today’s title? It’s a feeling. My husband and I are not raising children today. As was mentioned, the change in health forms came as a surprise. It indicates that there are probably more places that have shifted while I wasn’t paying attention to them.
It begs the question — why? What percentage of our population sees life so differently that a change in everyone’s language is demanded? What is language anyway?
Language is one of the ways we connect; to each other, our world, and our culture. To be beneficial, it needs to be universally grasped. Does this change do that?
I’m sure I’m old school here, but I can assure you that if I intend to harm you with my language — you’ll be clear as to that intent. It won’t be nebulous. You won’t wonder what I meant.
It feels to me that it is the perception of other people’s language that has gone askew. In other words, how I perceive a word or words spoken to me. Words that have remained benign until this recent era have been re-labeled as “bullying” or “abusive”. Words can now be seen as weapons instead of grammatically correct pronouns.
This all sounds like “mania”. An exaggerated response to something that does not require so much attention or activity. Perhaps our language and our health forms do need an overhaul. That’s okay. In the meantime, let's let our children explore themselves without any permanent “labels” or “intervention”. And let’s be clear on who is responsible for what.
The adults are responsible for knowing who they are. The children are responsible for figuring out who they are. Both responsibilities demand deep and important work.
This is the work of all of us. It is hoped that as we proceed, our self-definition will be secure enough to withstand the onslaught of outside opinions and words. This is what we need to demonstrate to our young children. Strength of character is held within. It cannot be billowed about or harmed by words.
Words uttered say more about the “utterer” than they do about the “utteree”. Demands for language alteration to guarantee a feeling of acceptance or well-being are backward. They are a denial of self-worth, rather than an indication of strength. The loudest person in the room tells you about volume, not about correctness.
This post has wandered a bit. Let’s end by suggesting gentleness and nobility in our references to each other. Let’s allow for different opinions. Let’s give each other a wide berth to grow, without applying permanent alterations and changes to societal definitions of humanity’s characteristics. With time, we’ll discover what we will hold onto, as well as what will be left ignored at the bottom of our toy box.
I believe in you. I believe in us. I believe in love.
